Skip to main content

Friday Funnies ~ Wife from Hell


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says: “Clocked you at 80 miles per hours, Sir.” The driver says: “Gee, Officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear—you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls. “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says: “Well, dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for illegal radar detector unit, the man growls at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you are not wearing your seat belt, Sir.” “That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says: “Yeah, well, you see, Officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “Will you please shut up??” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”

(I love this part)

'Only when he's been drinking.!! '

You better laugh today; it’s Friday and time to connect with Kim at Friday Funnies!

Comments

  1. OH MY GOODNESS! That is soooo funny!
    Have mercy! Thank you for the laugh my friend. You always have good ones!
    Have a fabulous weekend.
    Hugs
    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMGosh!!! That is hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh!!

    Have a funny Friday!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's hilarious! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    Happy day!

    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  4. I needed to come by here as it has been a rough week...and you brought a smile and chuckles...I so needed that my friend.

    Love you so much.

    Hugs,
    Alleluiabelle

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL! Too funny!

    Happy weekend Mary!

    ReplyDelete
  6. So funny! Love the last line! Ha! Have a great weekend sister Mary and God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello Mary,
    LOL...loved the Friday Funny post you did today! Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mary ~ that is tooooo funny! Mom and I were driving home from a funeral and I pulled this up and we got a much needed good laugh !! Thank you sooo much!

    I love you and pray you have a blessed weekend!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Memorial Day Reflection

  Memorial Day is always noteworthy for me and my girls.  Next Thursday marks the third year of missing their father, my husband. So many thoughts  run through my mind.  The journey of loss takes on various emotions.  The strongest feeling, at first, was emptiness.  In a split second, I would forget he departed forever.  I imagined things I needed to talk to him about when he got back home.  My mind is realistic now.  He's not coming back.  There will be no more times of sitting on the porch swing together on the front deck staring at the moon and the stars.  He would tell me all he knew about the majestic night sky. I have so much I wish I could tell him, like the excitement of seeing our oldest grandchild make a decision to follow Jesus and get baptized on Mother's Day!  And our little Amy, 11 years old, I wish he could have seen her on stage receiving her induction to the National Honor Society. Our daughters have their own ...

Mama's Lipstick

I always wished I could do things with my mom like shop in the mall, share makeup secrets or go to the movies and watch romantic comedies.  My wish never materialized.     My mama behaved like a tomboy.   She loved baseball and pitched with a strong right arm.   She could care less about the latest fashion or the latest movies featured on the big screen.   She never polished her fingernails.    One day after elementary school, I walked into the house to find my mom all dolled up in front of the bathroom mirror, foundation crème, powder, eyebrow pencil and rouge all over the counter sink.  “Who are you?” I asked, thrilled to see my mama putting on the Ritz.  Makeup in place and blotted, she immediately took it off.  “I don’t like the way it feels,” she exclaimed. She retired in Arizona and protected her dry lips with a light rose lipstick, the color of natural lips, a step above ChapStick.  She wore it a few tim...

Book Review of Biblical Minimalism and Give Away

What does minimizing look like?  To the empty nester it may mean downsizing real estate.  To the co-dependent, it may mean pitching some toxic friendships they tend to collect.  I thought I had a handle on Biblical minimalism, but I wasn’t even close.  Biblical minimalism is much more than cleaning out a drawer and discarding unwanted things into a box to take to the thrift store. In her book, Biblical Minimalism, Cheryl E. Smith defines Biblical minimalism as “a complete, whole person release of anything unlike Jesus, a letting go of everything that hinders us from following Him wholeheartedly and single- mindedly , and a relinquishing of all that brings us under bondage to this earthly, very temporary life.” The author gives us a visual of a whole pie that is divided into eight slices.  Each slice describes our lives with areas to analyze to see if pruning or adjustment is needed.  I won’t name them all, but one example is the “emotional ...